Being a Humble Parent

I would not describe myself as a smug person, but its becoming more and more apparent that I have problems with this.  Especially when it comes to parenting.  But the Good Lord has taken mercy on me (or on the people I quietly judge) and is actively buffing this character trait off of me.  I know this because it seems like every time I have been openly aware of feeling the “Look at me! I’m a parent and I’ve got my act together! Which is obvious by my kids outstanding behavior!” the Lord has been quick to make me feel like I have no business judging anyone, especially other parents.

Exhibit 1: I share this story because I feel like it’s the point when I first became aware that God was trying to teach me something.  We are at a park with another couple and (not naming names but you know who you are) their child pooped on the slide.  Not a little, but A Lot.  Clean up involved using toilet paper from a groddy public restroom and walking the child back home.  I remember feeling smug, Cedric never did stuff like that.

Until the next day, when he pooped TWO TIMES on the floor.  Why? Basically he just didn’t want to stop whatever activity he was doing to go to the bathroom.  Twice.  Have mercy!   The second time I was cleaning poo off the floor I had the thought go through my mind, “I have no business judging because it doesn’t matter how good of a parent you are, with kids, crap just happens sometimes.”

Exhibit 2: Yesterday the weather was fine and lovely so I put Eli in the stroller and let Cedric ride his bike after lunch.  After 3 blocks he was ready to turn around and go home for quiet time.  Yes, sometimes he is that kid who will say that he is tired and actually want to go to sleep.  So we turn around and he races down the block and speeds right through the cross walk into the next block.  Crossing the street without a grown up is Huge No-No.  I had prided myself that I had put enough fear in him about how badly it would hurt to get hit by a car that he would never mess up.  When I catch up with him, I am very stern and remind him about the horrors of death-by-car, and that when we get home he will be in trouble.

He rides to the end of the block and waits for me, like normal.  But while he is waiting I see a couple start talking to him.  When I reach the corner I’m assailed with, “You ‘is mom?  Oh good, ‘cause we was wondering whereisyourparentsat?! Thank goodness he knows to stop before the street but we was still wondering whereisyourparentsat?”  I look at the man talking to me.  He has an open beer in one hand and some teeth missing and a giant marijuana leaf on his shirt.  Public drinking, drug sympathies, and bad grammar; he has reached the trifecta of “bad parenting” in my judgment. And he is making me feel like an irresponsible parent.

I thank him for looking out for Cedric and he quips “Oh is no trouble.  You know this is a nice residential neighborhood.”   That God is trying to teach me something about judging is painfully obvious to me.  I’m pretty sure I walked the last block with my head hung.

I’m trying to remember every day that everyone is struggling with something and to extend grace before judgment.  Especially to parents.

The First of Many Tests

True confession, I wish that I had spent more time reading, thinking, and preparing myself to be a parent. When I was pregnant I immersed myself in learning about pregnancy. I did a good job too, but I found myself parenting on the fly once my baby was born. Same with the marriage. I wish I had put as much thought and energy into preparing for the marriage relationship that I put into planning the wedding. But I digress...

C has been exerting his will and testing the boundaries. I had suspected it was happening, but I wasn't for certain until today at nap time when I was standing outside the door (after 30 minutes of trying to get him to lay down) peeking through the crack and watched him defiantly through everything out of the crib, then look at the door and scream, waiting for me to come running. I got mad. Marched into his room, flicked his hand (our current method for punishment), told him that he needed to lay down and go to sleep, handed him his blanket and left. Once outside the door I braced myself for a screaming fit, but he laid down and went to sleep. You could have knocked me over with a feather! Well then I did what all self-respecting, over-educated moms do, I did some internet research.

We were given To Train Up a Child by some friends and I have to say I really like the parenting philosophy put forth in the book. The authors have a website and I read a few articles, which were enlightening to say the least. I have been inspired to turn over a new leaf as a parent. If you have time please follow the links at the end and read for yourself. I would love to hear your opinions. I am also open to recommendations and advice from others out there, how do you/did you handle being tested?

Ramblin'

How Early Should I Start Training?

Sleep and Sacrifice

Well Cedric and I are 10 weeks into the process going from life in the womb to fully functional person and its time for an update. The two biggest things that I've been grappling with are sleep and dealing with the reality of having a baby.

Let's start with sleep because its what everyone seems to be asking me about. "Is he sleeping through the night?" Is the question I get asked all the time. The short answer is no, he is not. But I never thought such an innocuous question would irk me so much. I realize that when people who do not have kids ask me this, its their way of making conversation. They know that babies have a reputation for not sleeping and its their way of showing concern. Much they same way that people ask you "How are you doing?" And in the same way that most of us would respond either "Fine, thanks. How are you?" or "You're never going to believe what happened...." People who don't have kids usually just want to hear that its also fine when it comes to sleeping. I'm not sure what to make of it when other parents ask if Cedric is sleeping through the night. The child is only 10 weeks old, why would anyone who has had kids think that he is even close to sleeping through the night? But I must keep in mind that my definition of "sleeping through the night" is different than others'. To me, sleeping through the night means 8-10 hours of consecutive sleep. I hear that some parents will count a 5 hour stretch when it is dark as "sleeping through the night." My words to those parents, is that you're kidding yourself. If you are getting up in the night to feed, comfort, or change your baby you are not sleeping through the night. So when parents ask about Cedric's night time sleeping I've become unsure how to respond because it feels like its become a competition or a judge of parenting skills. Or maybe its because I'm still desperately waiting for Cedric to sleep in consistent 5 hour blocks at night that sleep has become a sore spot for me. Or I could just be moody because last night I never got more than 2 hours of consecutive sleep.

But enough about sleep...on to sacrifice!

Two weekends ago was the UMR 35th CCF alumni reunion. Zach and I attended and brought Cedric with us. Zach got to spend most of the evening with old CCF'ers talking, eating and reminiscing. I spent most of the evening in a dark nursery feeding Cedric, comforting him because he was very overstimulated and trying to get him to fall asleep. Before that though we had gone to visit our old campus minister Allen and his family. It was really great to see Allen and he seems to be doing well at home. His fancy wheelchair was pretty cool and I think he is making amazing progress since the accident. While we were there I needed to feed Cedric, which I did in their daughter's room. After eating a fabulous meal a la Mom, it was necessary to change his diaper where I proceeded to experience the worst blowout of my entire life! Poop had literally exploded out of the back of his diaper, up his back and out of the neck of his shirt. It was horrible! Zach came to my rescue with fresh clothes but there was nothing we could do to hide the poop on the bead spread. I wiped it up the best I could but I had to tell Chrissy and even though she was so sweet and understanding, I couldn't help but be utterly mortified. Chrissy made the remark that when Lilly, her daughter, was that little there were many times that she felt like she had sacrificed her life on the alter of the changing table. She said it with a smile which gives me hope, because those words were like a soothing balm to my soul. It was so comforting to hear affirmation that motherhood is a tough profession.

But I would be remiss if I didn't say that I do love being a mom and most of the time Cedric and I have a lot of fun together. Watching him grow and change is something truly extraordinary and most of my struggles come from ignorance rather than him being a "bad baby."

Here are Cedric's stats from his 2 month checkup.
Height: 24 3/4 inches long (95th percentile)
Weight: 16 lbs (97th percentile)